by Nadean Barton
I guess I want to start this letter off by saying that I’m sorry. I am so deeply sorry that growing up, I wanted to be everything a daughter is for her mother. I know how stubborn, thickheaded, I could be at times, pushing every one of your buttons It is “typical” kid/teenager behavior, but it makes me ashamed realizing that I would treat someone as caring, thoughtful, and loving as you that way. And for that, I apologize.
But now that I am older and can see the bigger picture, I want to say thank you. Growing up, I thought you loved me just because it was your job, but now I understand it runs much deeper than that. Regardless of any obstacle you or I faced, you still supported me in the most loving and comforting way as possible. You made my siblings and I your number one priority and always ensured that our best interests were on the front lines of your decision making. Sometimes that process meant sacrifices on your end, but somehow you never complained. I remember when you used to go the Cayman Islands to work just to ensure that we were taken care of. I used to cry allot because I missed you so much while you were gone.
Watching your baby go from constantly needing and wanting you to wishing you were as far away as possible is a heart pulling pain that I cannot fathom. I often wonder how many times you would cry at night because of the things I was doing that you did not agree with, or have you worried for no good reason. I wonder how many experiences you had to miss out on because it was not the best thing for me at the time. I wonder how often I would make you stay up all night because you were worried about me while I was out with my friends. I wonder how many times you would wish you could have your little baby back so you could cuddle with a bit longer and keep safe in your arms. At the time, I was blind to those aspects. But now I realize just how much you loved me, and the process of raising your children certainly was not an easy one.
I love you, Mom. From the moment I took my first breath to now, you have always been by my side every step of the way, even when I would through a tantrum for something utterly dumb. I am sorry I made you cry because I didn’t tell you how my dad treated me when you sent me to live with him in New York. You are my biggest cheerleader in life, and you pushed me to become the best version of myself as possible. You are the reason why I am the successful and compassionate person I am today. Though yes, I may disagree with you still sometimes, but that is still part of the growing process, for both you and me.
I feel truly blessed to have you as my mother and eternally grateful for the love you poured into me throughout the years. Your love was always present, even when I was a stubborn teenager who couldn’t see it. You are beautiful, important, loved, and the world is lucky to have you in it. I appreciate you every single day, and not only do I view you as a rock star mom, but my best friend that I could not picture my life without.
Thank you for all the prayers you have prayed, and even though we are far apart you are forever in my heart. I love you always.